As previously stated it is the Hobo's duty to impregnate all available females bar none. To do this, the hobo must produce sperm in copious amounts. Without these weekly ounces of thick, pasty sperm the hobo race would dwindle, diminish and disappear from the face of the earth.

There is a side effect, however, to the production of heroic amounts of sperm. If a hobo is faced with a dry spell where he is separated from women, or otherwise is consistently denied sex, he must release the pressure from his pulsing, bulbous love bindle.

For years the American male has had the luxury of erotic films and magazines to aid him in the pursuit of self-pleasure, in the privacy of his own home, without fear of incarceration or public scrutiny. The hobo is allowed none of these luxuries. To achieve successful self-abuse the hobo must be resourceful, quiet and mindful of his sexual urges like a gym coach at a girls volleyball game.

Most New Yorkers are not unaccustomed to the sight of homeless people masturbating. It seems you can't walk down the street nowadays without stepping over some sprawled out bum jerking off and making faces at the people who pass by. Likewise the transit system is ripe with particularly loathsome individuals who regularly rub their stiffs in plain view of the working stiffs of the city.

As has already been established, the hobo is not like your common homeless man; He has no desire to loose credibility or draw attention by yanking his ladle in public. Likewise, the hobo is too dignified to be seen purchasing, haggling for or transporting pornography. Additionally, the hobo's pack is a method of efficiency unmatched in a society since the Ancient Hobo Tribes of Native America. The burden of transporting and storing pornography, a specialty / novelty item runs contrary to the hobo's code for obvious reasons. It is for these reasons that the Hobo must develop the ability to generate pornography from available materials.

One common method is the "Strewn" method: With which pornographic pictures are strewn on the walls, floor, trees, nearby mud . . . whatever is available in the environment.

Another method, popularized by homeless bums, but adapted by the Hobo society is the act of spying. In this method, the Hobo will conceal himself in an invisible location and spy on any one of thousands of everyday activities which females participate in.

But by far the most popular method is the "Fusion" method. The Fusion method is the most involved technique, however, it is also the most satisfying. In the Fusion method the Hobo makes his own pornography and sexually suggestive pictures from a vast collection of seemingly innocuous sources.

For instance: A shampoo bottle, a Barbie doll and a Dr. Shaul's Corn Remover box lined up correctly becomes a sexually stimulating picture very quickly to a lonely hobo. The Fusion method can be difficult and time consuming but many Hobos swear by it. In extreme cases of hobo-ertoticism, the fusion method has been documented using hundreds of pieces of garbage to depict massive orgy scenes.

There are important safety issues to consider when planning a hobo-erotic masturbation session.

The depraved nature of Evil Hobo is a factor to consider. Often Evil Hobos will try to convince you to compete in a limp hardtack competition. If you value your health or your dignity, I strongly discourage you from participating in these competitions.

Hazards like railroad bulls trying to kick you in the dick, and other Hobos that have become so jaded and listless that the only way they can get an erection is to kill you, make privacy very important. To insulate yourself from public scrutiny you have to use your hobo skills and be bold, clever and resourceful. Breaking into chicken coops, locking your self in Starbucks' bathrooms and finding abandoned subway tunnels are just a few good examples of ideal locations a resourceful hobo can seek out. Be creative, be safe and most importantly quit jerkin off! Get back out there and live up to the Hobo's code!